DATING JOKES

First date

A boy took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything."

"Well," he said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"

"No," the girl replied.

"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"

"Nooo," the girl said.

"You know," said the boy, "We're going to have a lot of fun if you're on the level about this, and follow your mother's advice."

blind date

Danny sets up Andy to go on a blind date with Shirley, a friend of his. But Andy is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.

"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Andy, "I'll be stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry." Danny says. "Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack."

So that night, Andy knocks at Shirleys door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. Andy's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, "Aaauuuggghhh!"

caught him lying

Jill: I had to break up with my boyfriend.... I caught him lying.

Mary: Isn't that a bit overboard Jill? At least give him a chance to explain.

Jill: Oh no, I caught him lying.....in bed and on top of another woman.

weeweechu

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting on a bench by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said,'Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu.'

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!' said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time,' Pedro begged.

'But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.' replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncita, just once, do Weeweechu with me.

'Rosita looked at Pedro and said, 'OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu.

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang .....

'Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Jear.'

boy & girl

Boy & Girl in restaurant

Boy :- I Love u

Girl :- I don't Love u

Boy :- Think again?

Girl :- I told u. No no & no

Boy :- Waiter, bring separate bills.

Girl :- ok ok....... I Love u too......... . !

marry again 

A woman confided to her girlfriend, "My ex-husband wants to marry me again."

The friend said, "How flattering."

The woman replied, "Not really. I think he's after the money I married him for."

womanizer

Bob was such a womanizer. Everywhere he went, he was always hitting on women. True to his form, he was at a department store one afternoon and was attracted to one of the saleswomen and proceeded to see if she would go out with him that evening.

She snapped at him, "I know your type. You think you can take me for drinks, and then try to get me back to your apartment, and then get me in to your bed. I can read you like a book."

Bob just smiled and said, "Well then, don't miss Chapter 5, it's a doozie."

after date

Joe was walking with his new girlfriend Vickie. They had just finished a wonderful date and he was about to drop her off at home.

The mood was right and the timing was right, so Joe looked into her eyes and said, "Sweetheart, I want to tell you that you're the first girl I have ever loved."

"Oh no", Vickie groaned, "not another Rookie!"

 first date ....or not

A guy walks into a bookstore. Not looking for anything in particular. On his way to the back of the store, he spots something of interest. A book with a very interesting title, "Dating for the New Millennium. What Women Want."

So he picks it up and opens it to a random page.

"Chapter 1 The First Date."

He glances the chapter over for a few minutes, and rushes out of the bookstore to call a girl he's wanted to ask out for quite a while.

When he gets home, picks up the phone and calls her. She answers, "Hello?"

He says, "Hi, Jessica? Listen, I was wondering if you would want to go see a movie with me tonight?"

She says, "Sure, I don't see anything wrong with that."

He gets excited. He thought she'd say, "No Way!" but she didn't. So, he decided to take it one step further.

He asks, "Great, well how about dinner before the movie?"

She replies, "Sure, that would be great too!"

"Fine, I'll pick you up about 9, you should be finished eating by then."

Another beginner
Wee Willie was walking with Wanda, his new girlfriend, carrying her books home from grammar school. Both were eight years old.

"Wanda," said Wee Willie with a worshipping gaze, "you are the first girl I have ever loved."

"Dammit!" said Wanda, "another beginner."

marry me
An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes".

The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..."

After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal.

"Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."

steamed or fried
The young woman really thought she'd been very patient through a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage.

One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restaurant. As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, "So, how do you like your rice? Steamed or fried?"

Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu at him and replied clearly, "Thrown."